Reinvention or just shedding my skin again?

Every few months I usually get this moment where I look in the mirror and think "Jen - you need to change something about you!". This has led to about 20 new hair colors, hair cuts, various piercings, a tattoo, new clothing styles, attempts to wear contacts, different shoe styles, hours of standing in front of the mirror and trying to decide whether the result is good and the spending of hundreds and hundreds of Euros within the past ~7 years.

Today - same thing. This time, it's the hair color, the all-time classic. Nothing like some good acrid chemicals on your head for half on hour to make you feel better.

Now I'm wondering whether this is
a. constant reinvention where I somehow turn into a slightly different person every few months and feel the need to adapt my looks to my current self or
b. shedding just another layer of "old self" until I will have finally reached my final state resting peacefully and for once not worrying about my hair in my grave or
c. just the one personality of the many that are within me that is currently strongest and an indication that my sense of identity is not always stable, coherent and back with confidence.

The latter would explain much from puberty, PMS, bad hair days and mood swings to girl flicks and the famous "NOOOO! I don't have anything to wear!!!" when there's not even enough room left in the dresser to squeeze in the left toe of a pantyhose.

I'm also getting the feeling that this appearance-changing thing is something more women do than men. Women either change their looks or move around furniture in the apartment for hours until the "karma" suits their needs. With the neat side effect that their respective partners are sufficiently confused and break various bones when trying to go to the bathroom at night. "Honey, this couch was not at that spot before!" - "I know, but can't you just feel the energy flowing in the room now?" - "[Insert various expletives here]"

Do men do this, too? I'm trying hard to come up with something that would the fit the clichée. Like arranging the toy sports car collection, changing the style of breast hair or coming up with a new move to scratch their balls?!? The "metrosexual" group probably goes for the hair dying, too, but I'm having a really hard time imagining a Arnold Schwarzenegger type of guy saying something like "Honey - I feel so... different. I think I have grown, spiritually, I mean. I need to go to the hair dresser, right now!" But then, you never know. I haven't seen all of America's weirdest home videos, maybe the highlights are still out there.

Well, since Helsinki will be delayed for another week or so, I have plenty of time for metaphoric skin shedding. Who knows, by the end of the week I may go by the name Lisa Smith and be a blonde girl wearing pink leggings with pink blouses and bringing a poodle with a ribbon in it's hair to work. I do suspect I would have a few things to explain to my boyfriend in that case, though.

Now I'm debating with myself whether I should add something more to this blog entry. This has already reverted into 50% diary again, so I might as well rant on. Maybe it'll make me smile in 50 years.

Today, open and communicative as I am, I added a sentence to an email to the person organizing the business trip where I said "Wow, I'm really nervous about this trip, I'll be glad to sit in the right plane, so I don't care which flight we book ;)". Now for me, this is a perfectly normal reaction to your first business trip, it was meant to be funny, and I don't think anything is wrong with it. Now let me try to describe the reaction I received in person.

I was sitting at my desk, harmlessly and concentratedly working (you heard that, boss?). The trip organizer comes by and smiles at me brightly, sitting on the side desk, I take off the head phones, and here we go.

As soon as my full attention is on her, her facial expression turns into that of a kindergarten employee who talks to a 4-year-old who has dropped her chocolate cookie in the mud.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaawwww... everything's gonna be alright, see, Stephen will be with you (Names changed to protect the innocent) and he's done this before, so you'll be - just - fine. I'll get you a cab so you don't have to worry about anything. Just remember - don't you take any liquids with you on the plane!"

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Yes, I am nervous. That happens, shocking as it may be. I have spent 12 months as an exchange student in the US, 4.5 months in the UK during a semster abroad and 3 months in the US again during an internship. I can be self-sufficient (if I want to)... The assumption that I would need somebody to take care of me or else I'll get lost and will scream for my mommy to help me hurt my I-want-to-kick-ass-in-this-job-pride! And just because I freely admit that I am nervous doesn't mean I think I won't be able to get things done!

I have to smile at myself right now because that short well-meant conversation has turned me into a spiteful little woman.
I'll calm myself down with a nice bath and some acrid chemicals in my hair ;)